The Future is Orange?

Well we were naive, desperate for friends having just moved into our dream home. The invite was casual and commanding.

'Stay for a drink after.' smiles responsible publican.

I look at wife and say yes.

And thats how we happened to end up in a lock in after hours with the local Orange Order. Frightened? No not me.

As evening go it was.............different?

'So,' I asked the suited Orange Man in front of me (he's not really orange in colour, I'm confused), 'What is it about Catholics you don't like?' I whelped the last bit out as my wifes foot came crashing down on my own.

He looked at me suspiciously. I wondered if the question had confused him or if my rather high pitch at the end was making him suspect I was a homosexual.

'The Pope'. Says suited Orange Man.

'Oh Really.' I nods, you've clearly thought that one through.

'And the English?' Again my foot started hurting, but I forgot it as my question roused a pride of drunks in unison to denounce the English and the Pope.

So this gets me thinking. How to confuse an Orangeman (technically a unionist organisation).

With one final burst of bravery I ask, 'So who do you hate most then? The English or the Catholics?' I know, I know, I shouldn't be encouraging them to think, forgive me.

Do you remember Dustin Hoffman trying to figure out the riddle as the Rain Man? Well mix that up with a drunk Orangeman getting cross eyed and then imagine steam coming out his ears as his 'brain' (again I'm confused. Do they have one?) overloads.

'An English Catholic.' said Slightly More Sober Orangeman. Again rousing cheers followed from the pride of drunks surrounding us.

We left shortly after. They were getting suspicious. Why would anyone question their hatred?

We did get an invite from Slightly More Sober Orangeman though just before we left.

'Come to our Summer Ball' he gave me a consipratorial wink, 'So long as yer no a catholic like.'

'Aye' I winked back knowingly.