Sssssshhhhh

What a beautiful day I here myself say. Irish sea lapping at my ankles, dog splashing in the water and my lovely partner beached further up the coast. The sun is shinning, childrens laughter sprinkles happiness in my ears, swans like silk schooners softly surf the green and blue sequence of the sparkling sea and, and,

and god damn it my neck is turning red..............................aaaaaaargh.

But of course it doesn't matter because we are miles from Redneck Heaven. We're in bonnie Alloway where women only ever pip, men scan the horizon to check they are alone before farting and dogs pick up their own muck, or at the very least their owners don't encourage them to shit in the neighbours garden.